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A thousand clever lines [entries|friends|calendar]
I've crawled home from worse than this

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(Do what u want.)

[13 Feb 2008|10:32pm]
I once was wound up tightly,like a spool of thread.
You were the one frantically trying to find the end, just so you could get to the beginning.Then, reluctantly unraveling, I was hanging by a thread. I just prayed you would catch me.
You caught me, and I'd never desire to escape being wrapped up in you.

The first time you kissed me,I took my first breath and learned what it is to be alive.

Thank you for saving my life everyday.

(Do what u want.)

[25 May 2007|08:40pm]
I'm struggling to remember why
its happened too many times
But I'm struggling to forget
all your clever lines

So tell me why...

Cause I see you in the corner there
nervously slipping a stare
thinking about that night
...I destroyed you.
So bite your lip til it bleeds
cause I know it tastes so sweet
sweeter than I'll ever be.

Feast on your nonchalance
but your favorite flavor
was always bitter

Let's pretend not to care
truth is, I love hating you.
You love to hate me too.
The pain
the angst
the blood
fill me up with it baby
cause you know Im not whole without it

The hate is almost too much to take
I want you to bleed in the worst way
I want to destroy you again...
then I just want to love you.

(Do what u want.)

Your futile attempts are entertaining at best. [26 Apr 2007|12:52am]
I know its hard for you to see beyond your own way
but your beautiful eyes are so blind baby
The window to your soul's got a cold breeze blowing
and you have no way of knowing
you're an iceberg, an accident waiting to happen

You can get in your own way
but you won't get in mine
Velvet runs through my veins
but baby where's your spine?
Just keep singin that song
tell yourself you're fine
but I'm still taking up your precious time

I don't need diamonds, because they're in my eyes
But baby you're so consumed with what's on the outside
You've got no allure
Inside or out.
Spend that money though, show them what you're all about
They may not love you, but at least you love yourself.

So you taught me how to shine
how to break your precious pride
tell me...
what do you know about being divine?
Your vanity is tar
two feet stuck to a cloud
The rest of us, well
we live on the ground

I may fall, and at times crawl
but someday I'll go somewhere.
Floating around in your cloud
somewhere is a place you'll never go.

(Do what u want.)

[12 Sep 2006|03:23am]
I hate my life.

(1 Yea whateva Do what u want.)

[10 Aug 2006|12:19am]
God it's been been almost seven months since I've honestly had the courage to write in this thing.

I don't remember the last time I wrote anything.
Then again I can't really remember the last time I did something I loved.

So...here's my gut-wrenching, heart-ripping take on the air I breathe daily.

Today was my 6th day working in a row. I'd make it seven if anyone were willing to offer up their shift.
Let me start this again.

Today was my 6th day working in a row, however, the bills for the month are all payed, there are many things I desire, but now is not a time to be selfish.

Today was my 6th day working in a row to save money towards things for people whom I often questioned (in my 9th hour of a shift when my feet felt like concrete blocks)appreciation.
Sidebar: New work shoes are a necessity.

Today is my hundredth + day in a row working to save a bond.

Yes, I've given up. You want to know why?
It's so easy for you to give up on me. It's so easy for you to be blind.

I am exhausted physically, and emotionally from great attempts at holding back true feelings.
I am tired of trying.

I am sick of never being allowed to be pissed off

I am exhausted with being what you want me to be.

I hope to find people in the future of my life who find me to be a blessing in their life and visa versa.
I hope to find people in the future of my life who enjoy my presence, speak to me kindly, and are selfless.

I hope to once again find that place inside of me that reminds me that I am worth something, and that maybe I deserve a little bit more than I receive.

(1 Yea whateva Do what u want.)

I just want to make this clear... [18 Jan 2006|04:13am]
Everything and nothing is about to change.

 And you, you are just like a fever
. I find your kindness to usually end in a cold sweat
I always could be too much and not enough at the same time.

 I didn't read...sorry...shoot me.

I fucking live here...geezus.
 Don't lock me out.
If i'd asked for your two cents worth, well, you'd know because I would have asked...but thanks for the extra 23.

And you, you would leave...because everyone does eventually.
 But before you did, you'd surely call me out

Well, then there's you. YOU can stop looking at me like that. Considering the mere impossibility of it all,it's almost just cruel.

You...no I don't want any... so don't holla at your girl.

...don't bang my car with your door, and then hate on my ribbon. bitch
If you want to play that game...prepare to be schooled.

Two years later, a lemon drop is not the way to my heart, but thanks for trying.

You wake up next to the wrong person every morning...this is me not feeling sorry for you.

Oh and you, I'm sorry you can't follow my wit...I mean, I'm really just sorry you're so fucking boring.
You just make me fucking sick. Seriously.

Fucking puddle.

Here's to bitches and hoes...count me out.

 Oh, as if living with it isn't bad enough, let's rub it in my face.

So tell me darling, who do you want me to be tomorrow?
I'll be the one with my back to you, on my way out the door.
Thanks for all the time you never wasted on me.

Some things will never be stronger than your pride.
Not my pride.
Your pride.

Hey, I'm just being honest.

(Do what u want.)

[23 Oct 2005|04:14am]
I hate this...

(Do what u want.)

[10 Oct 2005|04:06pm]
I'm making one last entry tonight...and then I've decided not to write for awhile.

(2 Yea whatevas Do what u want.)

[23 Sep 2005|03:23pm]
Ohhhh today....

(Do what u want.)

[22 Sep 2005|07:45pm]
So unconventional.

And then there were 10.

(Do what u want.)

[21 Sep 2005|09:05pm]
Let's talk about vulnerability.

She is stripped. She is wearing no facade.
The skin across her palm is rough and calloused, and in no way can it compare to the coarse skin grating across her heart.
Her hair is disheveled from discontented tugging.
There are no lines upon her face to tell a story. The story can be discovered if you can find your way past the emptiness that has found a home in her eyes.
She's listening, but generally most words lack luster.
She is silent.
Her jaw is on lockdown and her lips are chapped, delayed by no brush of brilliance.
She smiles, just enough to keep fooling you, and never more.
Her heart is aching, her knees are breaking..
Her nervous habit of chewing her lip has broken the skin, and she's stepped into broken glass again.
She'll tell you anything you'd like to know.
Until then she is disquieted...

and she is stripped.

(2 Yea whatevas Do what u want.)

Testing my patience + so far I'm failing... [20 Sep 2005|05:48am]
It's hard to bite the bullet when you've tasted gold. Once you've felt treasure on your fingertips it's almost unbearable to accept that things can't always be that good. Through my own judgment of another's actions tonight I realized so many things about my life right now, and my outlook on it. I've recently taken such a negative approach on everything lately, as my list of things that make me happy have been dwindling. I've felt like I can't even rely on the things left to make me happy because so many of them happen to be very unstable.

My Job.
A manager told me the other night that I have a bad attitude. I've never had a manager at any job tell me that I have a bad attitude...I've never been the trouble-employee that needs to work on things... I have a feeling that a large portion of my attitude change there can be accounted for due to my two favorite managers getting promotions and leaving within the past month. Having a job like mine, you deal with people all night that don't care about you, or what kind of day you're having...those two managers were the only people that ever did. Now that they're gone, it becomes overwhelming to deal with guests whom you're just a servant for, as well as managers whom you're just a servant for as well. Let's face it...my job sucks, we all know that..and the money is so unsteady, especially lately. Me breaking down over a table? I've never ended up on the back dock in tears over a table before...so why is this happening now? ...too much stress...and working 35 hours a week isn't helping.

You always think you have next semester to fix everything...but eventually you don't have anymore easy GEP courses that you can swing an A in no sweat for that last minute GPA boost. I hate my major, and I find how much more I despise it with each day I go to class, which obviously explains why I'm so unmotivated about going to class. (It also doesn't help when you just got off work at 2am, and got 5 hours of sleep) So why am I not a Journalism major? Why am I learning about mens rea and habius corpus when I'd rather just be writing about...well, ANYTHING? Perhaps it's because my GPA is utterly embarassing, at least to me it is...and while everyone else thinks its impressive just to not be on academic probation, I believe otherwise. I'm quite overwhelmed with school and completely unaware where to begin fixing things.
I used to be so sociable, and now I feel like I only have barely enough time to distribute between my close friends. Many of my friends have become acquaintances whether it's because of specific reasons, or simply lack of time on my part. I feel horrible for this because those are the people who keep me sane, and I can't remember the last time I went out and had an awesome time. I'm always too busy worrying about driving home, getting up for work/school in the morning, or avoiding some unnecessary drama.


 My mom called me 3 times tonight. Could I answer? Of course not...I was working. Anytime I call home, my parents are at work...and by the time they get home...I'm at work. Last time I went home was for barely even a day, for a wedding, so I didn't get to spend much time with them. I have to decide between Thanksgiving and Christmas this year because I'm not allowed to have both holidays off of work (Friday's policy) I can't even REMEMBER the last time I talked to my parents. That's a serious problem. My sister is in L.A. now and I miss her SOOO much. She sent me a postcard the other day, and that's when it hit me how far away she really is...

Bitter, party of 1. And that's all I have to say about that.

Life may be pretty messy right now, but I think there is added stress due to the way I'm reacting to the pressure.

A job is supposed to suck, that's why they pay you to do it.
I can write anything I want, whenever I want...and I don't need a 4.0 GPA to tell me I'm good at it.
There would be more time for friends if I learned how to budget my time better.
Email works wonders in coversing with your family when you're far apart and have opposite schedules...& in reference to Thanksgiving...i've been sick on Thanksgiving like every year I've been in college...so maybe it's better for me to stay here anyway.
Love will come to me when it's time, and it will be worth the wait...besides, you have no one to blame for your unhappiness. 

As my little brother said...life is meaningless without people who care about you.

It's time to start being a better person.

(1 Yea whateva Do what u want.)

[16 Sep 2005|12:21am]
Seems like ever since the first day we met
There is no one else I think of more than you
Can't seem to forget, can't get you out my head
Guess the verdict's in, I'm crazy over you
How can one be down, tell me where to start
Cause everytime you smile, I feel tremors in my heart
I have but one concern, how can I get with you
Til my day comes here's what Im gonna do
Be sittin' up in my room
Back here thinkin' about you
I must confess, I'm a mess for you
Be sittin' up in my room
Back here thinkin' about you
I'm just a mess with a thing for you
Pray that you'll invest, in my happiness
All it takes is just one simple call from you
Turn my heart around, if I'm making ground
Pretty baby please, tell me if I'm getting through
Tell me what is up
You see I need to know
Tell me if I'm far or
If Im getting close
I have but one concern, and that one concern is you
Til I'm with you, here's what I'm gonna do
Be sittin up in my room
Back here thinkin about you
I must confess I'm a mess for you
Be sittin up in my room
Back here thinkin about you
I'm just a mess with a thing for you

(2 Yea whatevas Do what u want.)

[04 Sep 2005|03:16pm]
I walked down the aisle yesterday as a bridesmaid in one of my oldest friends' wedding. It feels like just yesterday I was jumping on my couch spilling coke all over her while watching The Little Mermaid. Actually, just yesterday I watched her father give her away.
It was all very beautiful, and a fabulous reminder as to how alone I am. I saw a lot of people from my past, and they all had good things to say...yet some of those things were probably better left unsaid. I think I'd have preferred a confirmation on what's wrong with me, rather than baffling stares as to why I'm at the place I'm at in this moment.
Anyone with any information as to what IS wrong with me, please share...we learned that in kindergarten.

Labor Day is tomorrow, which means....
I have to work.
What else would it possibly mean? At least I don't have to be there til 6, maybe i'll stick my hand on the burner of the hot window again. Good times.
These past 4 days could have been the worst days ever and it wouldn't have even mattered because I didn't have to work.

almost 4 weeks til Im 21, and the most excitement in my life is a 15 minute ticket time in the kitchen, and finding a parking spot on campus at 11:00 in the morning.

Yes, we're all very happy to have our soldier back.

Umm, gotta go to work now....lovely.

(1 Yea whateva Do what u want.)

[19 Aug 2005|02:51pm]
1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.

1.~How did you meet skadawonderwhy? High school...marching band I believe
2.~What would you do if you had never met _charybdis? I probably would have wasted away by now
3.~What do you honestly think of ottoaekdb? Gary is an AMAZING person..he's a very interesting individual and has great taste in music...not to mention he's hot!
4.~Would or did christie329 and eyescreamivhope go out? Umm, I doubt it
5.~Have you ever liked mypetroxaschizo? No, I love her!
6.~If ourbrokenstars died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would need him/her to know? I'm sorry about making your "song" SR-71
7.~Would singledout44 and complexdreamer make a good couple? only in a lesbian universe
8.~Describe beachbobz in 3 words: "Take my picture"
9.~Do you think no_f_in_way is hot? Umm, sure
10.~Would ourbrokenstars and flyguyindasky make a lovely couple? definately not
11.~What do you think of when you see eyescreamivhope? Emo
12.~Tell me something humiliating about complexdreamer: It's been forever since I hung out with her...I can't remember any incriminating stories, although Im sure I have tons
13.~Do you know any of only_heart27's family members? I've met her little sister
14.~What's christie329's favorite color? Pink
15.~On a scale of 1-10 how cute is trishannic? 10.5
16.~What would you do if curlyqswtt just professed their undying love for you? wow, I'd be ecstatic...even though she professes it everyday...or at least she used to
17.~What language does christie329 speak? English
18.~Who is supamanasteel going out with? don't know, don't care
19.~Is thasquintz a boy or a girl? boy
20.~Would christie329 and curlyqswtt make a good couple? maybe when hell freezes over, they don't even like each other
21.~Who do you think christie329 would be great with from this list? nobody, if anyone Bobby...that's who she tells all her secrets too
22.~When was the last time you talked to no_f_in_way? probably like a month ago
23.~What is mypetroxaschizo's favorite band? maybe Death Cab "we will always agree on death cab"
24.~Does singledout44 have any siblings? Yes, I have an older sister
25.~Would you ever date only_heart27? The second I turned into a lesbian of course
26.~Would you ever date beachbobz? hahahahaha.....ha. Nope.
27.~Is christie329 single? Yes
28.~What is christie329's last name? Campbell
29.~What is christie329's middle name? I have no idea
30~What is ottoaekdb's fantasy? Probably to fuck Nicki Hilton in the middle of a pit for Reggie and the Full Effect, all while wearing a pair of yellow chucks...and on top of a mountain in Colorado.
31.~Where does thasquintz live? Kappa Sig House
32.~Would you make out with skadawonderwhy? lol nah, I don't know her that well
33.~Are _charybdis and only_heart27 best friends? Nope, they don't even know each other
34.~Does beachbobz like christie329? Yea, they love keeping secrets from everyone else. Bastards.
35.~How did you meet christie329? Darren's room, Kappa Sig house.
36.~Is no_f_in_way older than you? Nope
37.~Is flyguyindasky the sexiest person alive? of course...when he's in ORLANDO...

(1 Yea whateva Do what u want.)

[14 Aug 2005|05:53am]
P.S. Lauren peed in the grass...

Much Love.

(Do what u want.)

[14 Aug 2005|05:44am]
"Moving is fun, moving is fun, that's what I tell myself so I don't shoot myself in the head, moving is fun, moving is fun, that's what I do so I don't end up dead!"
-Lauren's song about moving
"These boxes weigh exactly the same as an adolescent African spotted elephant..."

There certaintly is nothing like pancakes from Whataburger at 5:30am while jamming out to Acceptance with Lauren...
that is until she dropped the pancakes onto the floor of my car.

We had no luck in the drive-thru department this evening that's for sure.
"Next time you comming 100% off"

"I'm gonna make a U Turn cause I'm an ASSHOLE."

It's okay...cause we'll always have WHATABURGER Lauren...you know exactly what I'm talking about.

(1 Yea whateva Do what u want.)

It's always uncomfortable stumbling over your past... [12 Aug 2005|06:58pm]
Perhaps that's why we keep reminders of it stuffed in boxes...boxes that we never throw away.

If it makes you less sad
I will die by your hand
I hope you find out what you are
Already know what I am
And if it makes you less sad
we'll start talking again
and you can tell me how vile i already know that i am

i'll grow old
start acting my age
ill be a brand new day in a life that you hate
a crown of gold
a heart thats harder than stone
and it hurts a whole lot
but its missed when its gone
call me a safe bet
im betting im not

im glad you can forgive
im only hoping as time goes
you can forget

if it makes you less sad
i'll move outta the state
you can keep to yourself
i'll keep outta your way
and if it makes you less sad
i'll take your pictures all down
every picture you paint
i will paint myself out
its as cold as a tomb
and its dark in your room
when i sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds

so call it quits
or get a grip
say you wanted a solution
you just wanted to be missed
call me a safe bet
im betting im not
im glad that you can forgive
im only hoping as time goes
you can forget

you are calm and reposed
let your beauty unfold
pale white
like the skin stretched over your bones
spring keeps you ever close
you are second hand smoke
you are so fragile and thin
standing trial for your sins
holding onto yourself the best you can
you are the smell before the rain
you are the blood in my veins

call me a safe bet
im betting im not
im glad that you can forgive
im only hoping as time goes
you can forget

(2 Yea whatevas Do what u want.)

[08 Aug 2005|02:00am]
Warped Tour was pretty amazing today...I got to see Fall Out Boy, The Academy Is..., My American Heart, Reliant K, Hawthorne Heights, Senses Fail, Millencolin, Story of the Year, Thrice, and PARAMORE (which I was rather thrilled about.) I was really glad when Gary got there just because I wanted to see all the small bands that no one has ever heard of...and obviously everyone else wanted to see the bigger headlining bands...so Gary and I revolutionized and went to see the GOOD bands. Speaking of Gary...he's leaving for the Army September 16th =(
Well, while we're speaking of the Army...someone needs to hurry up and come back from their training...everytime he calls I always miss it because I'm at work...he's supposed to be back in about a month, and hopefully that goes by really fast because I miss him too much...and it really sucks that he missed Warped Tour today too.
It's only a couple more days til I get to move into my new apartment, I'm so excited it's just going to be me and Kelli...it's possibly going to be our last year together, so I think we're going to have more fun living together than we ever have before.
My sister also left for L.A. today...left for as in MOVED TO. None of my family members have ever been that far away from me before, especially not someone as close to me as my sister. Part of me wants her to come back just because I know how much I'm going to miss her, but the other part of me wants her to stay there and make it...besides, I'll be out there in two years anyway.

And now all I have to say is one thing:

(5 Yea whatevas Do what u want.)

[01 Aug 2005|03:59am]
...and I know something about you.

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